Desire Read online

  “I don’t know about the sugar, but I’m definitely serving it hot,” I said.

  “Oohhh,” Lori squealed on the other end.

  “I received a call today from The Cooking Network.”

  “They finally came to their damn senses?” Rhonda asked.

  “Somewhat. I still think we have a few things to negotiate because they aren’t budging on the title of the show, and neither am I.”

  “That’s good. Did you call Bernard back up to go with you?” Lori asked.

  “Hell no! So, Russell recently referred me to an attorney who I hired, and he met me there. They’re willing to meet most of my demands, including getting rid of the sous chef, but not the name of the show.”

  “And what does the attorney say?” Rhonda asked.

  “He asked me what does it mean to me on a scale of one to ten, and I told him it was 100. He said that’s what it meant to him, too, then.”

  “Good for him! That’s what you need, someone to have your back,” Rhonda said.

  “Yes, but that’s not the issue.”

  “Get to it then so that I can get back to that fine ass husband of mine,” Lori pleaded.

  She wasn’t lying; Jordan was handsome as hell. A fine, sexy piece of dark chocolate with bulging biceps, broad shoulders, and washboard abs. Roughly six-three and a smile that, along with one wink of those gorgeous dark brown eyes, would make a woman drop her panties.

  He was my brother-in-law, so I didn’t even think about him like that. But I’d have to be blind not to notice that he was fine as hell.

  “Well, when I returned home from our meeting this afternoon, I see a strange truck parked in my driveway.”

  “Was someone trying to break in?” Lori asked.

  “Did you catch them in the act and shoot them in the balls?” Rhonda asked.

  “I hope you called the police!” Lori balked.

  “Nah, you should’ve shot ‘em in the balls. Let ‘em know you’re not playing.”

  “What, Ron and get jail time, too?” Lori asked.

  “Lori, she won’t get jail time if she shot them in the damn house!”

  “You don’t know if they were in the house, Ron!” Lori countered.

  “Stop!” I shouted. “Let me tell the damn story, please.”

  They both grew silent, and I felt slightly bad for shouting at them. Only a little, not enough to apologize, though.

  “So, as I was saying, there was a strange truck in the drive. When I pulled up, I saw a small crew of men working on my roof. The soffits, fascia, gutters...things Luis was preparing to take care of when he got sick. Things I promised him that we would get to when he got well...only...” I broke off, my voice too thick with emotion to continue.

  “It’s okay, sweetie. Take your time,” Lori encouraged.

  After a few moments, I said, “So, I never got around to it, and I knew it needed to be done. Only I couldn’t figure out who these guys were and why they were taking the liberty to step foot on my property uninvited. There had been too much of that going on lately, so I decided to give them a piece of my mind. The head guy points across the street and lets me know that my neighbor was the reason they were there. Zymir hired these men to do the work I’d postponed indefinitely.”

  “Oh, that’s so sweet,” Lori said.

  “Damn, what the hell? You already give him the ass or something?” Rhonda asked.

  “Ron!” Lori and I shouted at the same time.

  “Whaaatt?” Rhonda asked.

  “Do you always have to be so crass?” Lori asked.

  “Girl, please? You know your polite ass wanted to ask the question, too,” Rhonda accused.

  Lori giggled. “Actually, I did,” she confessed.

  “No, I haven’t given him the ass, but I did go over there to give him a piece of my mind. We exchanged a few heated words over it. He felt as if I were difficult, I felt as if he were missing the point, and we kissed.”

  “You did what?” Lori whispered into the phone.

  “Sheeeittt! You sure that’s all you did?” Rhonda asked.

  “Well, I didn’t kiss him, he kissed me.”

  “It takes two,” Rhonda pointed out.

  “Umm, not at first. It caught me off-guard, and it was a mistake, that’s all. There was just a brushing of his lips across mine, and then he suckled my bottom lip. The first time,” I quickly added.

  “The first time?” Rhonda asked.

  “Yes,” I said in a quiet voice.

  “There has to be at least a second time if there’s a first,” Lori said.

  “Umm...,” I toyed with my bottom lip with my thumb, recalling how he had suckled on it.

  “Umm, what?” Rhonda asked.

  “Well, the second time somehow, his tongue found its way inside of my mouth...and I...I didn’t quite push it out. I don’t know what was happening, but we were arguing one minute, kissing the next, and I was all tingly all over, and then—”

  “You screwed the man?” Rhonda asked.

  “No!” I hissed. “No, nothing like that. But I did feel myself getting hot and bothered. So, then I broke it off, and I came back to my senses. He threatened to do it again, accused me of liking the kiss, and I ran home.”

  “Wait, you ran home?” Lori asked.

  “Practically.”

  “He accused you of liking it. Did you?” Rhonda asked.

  I hesitated a moment too long.

  “She liked it!” Lori said triumphantly, laughing.

  “Well, I didn’t...not...like it,” I dragged out, feeling myself blush.

  “Heffa! She’s getting with the young boy. Our girl is a cougar, Lor!”

  “I. Am. Not!”

  “Ohhh, yes, you are. One dip, and it’s all over with. There’s no going back. Zymir’s about to have your old ass sprung and wildin’ out!” Rhonda said.

  Lori was cracking up, laughing like a wild hyena.

  “You know what! I called for advice. Not to be ridiculed!” I huffed.

  They continued to laugh at my expense. I considered hanging up the phone, but they must have sensed that because they calmed down, and Rhonda spoke first.

  “Calm your uptight ass down, KK. There is nothing wrong with getting you some, even if the guy is younger than you. Hell, he can probably teach your old ass some new tricks,” Rhonda said.

  “Like what?” I scoffed, intrigued by the idea of Zymir teaching me anything that I didn’t already know.

  “Like eating your booty like groceries,” Rhonda said.

  “What?” I asked, my eyes widening.

  I could hear Lori sputtering on the other end.

  “Okay, ya’ll. I’ve gots to go now. I need some dick in the worst way, and this conversation isn’t helping. Bye, girls!” Lori clicked off the line without waiting for us to say goodbye.

  “I’m just saying, KK, give the guy a chance. He’s clearly into you like that, and if you weren’t into him, then you wouldn’t have even allowed him to get that kiss off. Cuz, I know you. We’re the same age, and we’ve been side by side in this life since we were in pampers. Five months apart. Me first and you following me everywhere.”

  I rolled my eyes but let her have her minute of reminding me she was the oldest of the two of us.

  “If you didn’t want that boy kissing you, he would’ve been slapped, called all out his name, and probably had a knife at his throat. Karina Jhenai Kendricks does not play. So, your little sister is no longer on the phone. Keep it real with me. You liked it, didn’t you?”

  I thought about that for a minute. Of course, I enjoyed the kiss. But that was nothing more than enjoying being recognized as a woman and made to feel feminine. Right?

  “Well, I did enjoy being made to feel womanly. I mean, after three years of no masculine attention, who wouldn’t?” I asked.

  “Don’t give me that bull. Men have been coming on to you and trying to get in those panties all the time. But all they get is a block of ice down their pants. You’re feelin
g him. What’re you worried about, and what’s so wrong if you do, KK?” Rhonda asked.

  Her voice had turned serious, and I knew she was trying to leverage her assertive side so that I would confide in her. And like it always had, it worked.

  Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes tightly, willing the tears away.

  “It just feels like such a betrayal, Ron. Loving Luis for twelve years and being married for a decade, he was my world.”

  “I know it, honey. Just like I know it wasn’t easy on you watching him be sick and dwindle away, neither was it losing him. But this guilt you’re carrying...only you are putting that on you, not him. I knew Luis in a way most others didn’t. I was the one that introduced the two of you sooo...”

  She had dated Luis’s cousin, Matt, for three years before she introduced Luis and me.

  “It just feels wrong...to let go of Luis like this and move on with my life, Ron. I don’t want to lose what we had,” I sobbed into the phone, finally breaking and no longer able to hold strong.

  She sat silently on the other end until I had gotten it all out. The way she always had. Rhonda was my true rock. Lori couldn’t ever be that for me because I had always taken care of her. She was my little sister and still struggling with the weight of my parents’ death.

  “Now that you’ve finished with that let me say this. Moving on with your life is not about losing Luis. What the two of you built and shared will always be yours, and no one or nothing can take that away from you. The memories of your love and life with him are carved in your heart and will always be there. The love you have for him will forever sustain his memory. But you moving forward and allowing yourself to live your life and be open to the possibility of love again has no bearing on any of that. That is nothing but life taking its natural course. You’re not a bad person, and he is no less relevant because you choose to live. It doesn’t wipe out your love for him, nor his for you if you start another relationship. It simply means that a special part of your life has come to an end. That part of your life will be protected in your heart away from this world’s judgment. It’s okay to cry, to mourn his loss, not to be strong every day, to miss the hell out of him. And it’s okay to move forward and live. Because he told you that on his last day. Don’t forget, KK, I was in that room, too. And we all knew that he meant that,” Rhonda said.

  I pressed my fist against my mouth and pulled my legs up to my chest. Wrapping one arm around my knees and dropping the phone to the bed, I rocked back and forth.

  The keening sound I released was a purging of my soul in a sense. Truly grieving Luis in a way I hadn’t allowed myself ever to do.

  There was no need for me to hang up the phone or say goodbye to Rhonda. She’d know what needed to be done.

  CHAPTER 13 – ZYMIR

  “What the hell is wrong with you, bruh? You must be a glutton for punishment?” Kole, Bishop’s cousin asked, shaking his head at me, and bringing me a beer.

  I was at Bishop’s mansion with Kole and Kole’s brother, Darnell, watching a boxing match.

  “I am no glutton for punishment, my man. When I see something that I want, I simply go after it. That is what has made me successful in business, no?” I asked, glancing at everyone in the room.

  These men knew me well and knew how aggressive and disciplined I could be when striving for a goal.

  “The brother does go after what he wants,” Bishop said.s

  “She must be fine as hell to put up with the shit Bishop said you’ve been dealing with. I don’t think no woman is that damn fine. Either her ass wants me, or she don’t,” Darnell said.

  “D, shut up. Your opinion doesn’t count, man,” Kole said.

  “Why not?” Darnell asked, looking offended.

  “Because you’re a hoe. Plain and simple,” Kole said.

  “A hoe?” Darnell asked with a wide-eyed expression, his mouth hanging open in disbelief.

  He turned toward Bishop, who nodded and held his beer aloft. “What the man said.”

  Then he glanced at me, and I simply scratched the back of my neck and closed my eyes.

  “To hell with y’all,” Darnell said.

  We all laughed.

  “D, this isn’t about you,” Bishop said. “But my man right here is about to catch the blues,” he said, pointing at me.

  Shaking my head, I said, “No, I’ll simply break down her defenses.”

  “But why? Why the hell go through all this for somebody who doesn’t even want you?” Darnell asked.

  How could I explain this where they understood it?

  “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But when I look at this woman, I see something broken there. She has a need to be recognized, comforted, and understood, but it’s like she doesn’t know it. When we interact, there’s this connection there that I’ve never felt before, and it’s almost like she’s crying out to me for help. This pain that’s in her eyes is so real, and I just feel drawn to her, like there’s a purpose for me being in her life,” I explained.

  When I finished, all three men were looking at me as if I had grown another head.

  “Do you understand?” I asked.

  They all three shook their heads, “no.”

  “Hell, no. Your ass was always the emotional one,” Darnell said, shaking his head. “So, nah, we don’t understand.”

  “You do not have to understand. I understand, and that is enough for me,” I said, sitting back against the couch and staring at the TV.

  “That’s all that matters then, bruh,” Kole said before taking a swig of his beer.

  “Well, I wish you all the best, brother. I must say that I have never seen you make a decision half-hearted. You think about it, make a decision, and then see it through. And you’ve always been successful at accomplishing something when you set your mind to it,” Bishop said.

  I nodded.

  “Good luck, bruh. I hope that ass is worth it,” Darnell said after taking another sip of his beer.

  Kole picked up a pillow from the seat he was sitting on and threw it at his brother’s head.

  “What?” Darnell asked, leaning sideways after having caught the pillow midair.

  “We were trying to be supportive, D.”

  “I’m supportive, Kole. I’m supporting the fact that he gets to tag that ass, and it’s worth everything she’s about to send his ass through. And an old broad at that?” Darnell asked, frowning.

  “I don’t know how old she is, but I will say she’s beautiful, sexy as hell, and classy,” Bishop said.

  “Classy? With the mouth, Zy just said she has on her?” Kole asked, looking doubtful.

  “That’s just the hell she gives Zy. I don’t think she’s probably like that all the time,” Bishop said.

  “If she’s like that any of the time, then...” Kole began.

  “She’s like that,” Darnell finished.

  “She may be. But I believe that she’s worth it,” I input.

  The men all nodded their heads, and Bishop turned up the TV so we could check out the boxing match. For the evening, I pushed all thoughts of Karina Kendricks aside.

  CHAPTER 14 – KARINA

  I had to figure out a way to repay and stop Zymir. There was no way that I could keep allowing him to do these nice things for me and accept them.

  Don’t get me wrong; I was grateful for the things he had done. Things that I had neglected over the last three years. Someone had to take care of them, and since I had failed to, he’d just stepped up and done what needed to be done.

  After a few days of thinking about it, I realized I couldn’t fault the man. I mean, our neighborhood was a very nice one, full of wealthy residents. The median income for residents of River Park Estates was one point five million easy. Which was why I didn’t understand why Zymir chose to reside here.

  With his business and the income, it generated I knew that he could have easily afforded to live on the other side of town in Wingate Estates. Either way, he chose to be h
ere, and he was vested in the property value of the homes in the community.

  That was the only thing that could explain his decision to have my house repairs done.

  But nothing explained that kiss. The same kiss that kept me awake the last couple of nights, fantasizing about a repeat of it. The fact that I thought about Zymir like that in the night scared me and kept me away from him as much as possible.

  Four days had passed since the kiss, and I couldn’t avoid him any longer. He had visited my house twice since then, and both days I had ignored him. I chose to hide out in my kitchen while he was ringing the bell and had even gone so far as to park the car in the garage in the rear of the house.

  I didn’t think that he would be so nosy as to go back and peer into the garage window. But then again, Zymir had taken liberties on my property that I’d never expected anyone to.

  Now I was beginning to feel downright foolish, though. Because while my nights saw no sleep, dreams of Zymir filled my afternoon naps. And I knew the only way to deal with it was to deal with him.

  I had to talk to him about what the kiss meant so that I could clear my mind. The only good thing that had come of those kisses were my achievements. In the last few nights of my sleep deprivation, I stayed up and worked on the cookbook.

  I had made significant progress on the cookbook to Russell’s surprise, and I had invented a few new recipes, which I had just finished uploading to YouTube. One of those unique creations set in a covered casserole dish in my hands now.

  Garlic braised chicken breasts with mushrooms, capers, and steamed potatoes. I had baked some fresh bread because it would be perfect for dipping in the sauce that I had created.

  In addition to that, I had prepared a lemon ricotta cake for his dessert.

  Juggling the dishes in my hands again, I prepared to push the doorbell once more since he hadn’t responded to the first couple of rings. Briefly, I had the thought that he might be avoiding me the way I had been avoiding him.

  Yet, Zymir didn’t strike me as the type to play those games. I was ashamed of the fact that I had stooped to that level.

  “Hey, there!” Zymir greeted, pulling the door open just as I repositioned the dishes.